My Scars Remind Me That The Past Is Real

I can't believe that I am quoting Papa Roach, but the group brings up a very valid point. We all have scars, whether they are physical, or of a more emotional nature. These scars remind us of events that have happened in our lives, as well as of those who have made an impact, whether a family member, a friend, or maybe even a cherished animal/pet.

I can still name off every physical scar on my body and how it came to be there. I have four different areas where I received stitches: One set in the crook of each elbow from a procedure I had to have done when I was under the age of one, a tiny spot on my hand from where I was bitten by a dog when I was five, and if you lift up the hair on my head just above my right temple, I have a tiny bald spot where I received ten dissovable stitches after being hit in the head with a rock (accidentally, of course!) when I was 15. I have a dent in my leg from an IV drip I was continuously on when I was, once again, under age one. I have a very impressive long line of a scar on my left arm, although the story behind it isn't quite as impressive. (Let's just say one word: lawnchair). I most recently acquired a lovely purplish scar on my left arm from a cooking accident. While I did not put anything on it to help it heal, I feel in time it will fade... I once had a burn from my wonderful days as a fast food worker that eventually healed. I can't even recall where it was now. Frost bite scars on my legs from a stint when I was 12 or 13 have also healed. I seem to have digressed, though... The main point is that whether present or faded, I still remember the importance of each scar and a time and part of my life which they belonged to.

The emotional scars are a little harder to see, obviously. My heart is etched from those whom I have loved and lost over the years. Friends and family who I've lost touch with who were once such a big/important part of my life, those who may have passed on. It has been almost 16 years since my uncle was killed in a car accident, but I still think about him at least once a week. He was the fun, cool uncle who would always play with you, and let you do the things your parents would say no to. I can only imagine how much fun he would've been if he had been around for my teens and twenties... and now. I miss the grandparents and great-grandparents whom I never really got a chance to know, and my heart aches for the grandmother who passed away only a few years ago. I don't think I ever really got to know the person she was because until recently I just didn't appreciate the stories about the things she did in her life. My grandma was a wonderful, humorous woman, though.

Of course, there are also the scars left by those whom I have, for the lack of a better term, had a crush on, but who never returned the same feelings. From as far back as I can remember, I have always had a crush on someone. Even when I was three I was "in love" with my best friend and neighbour. I was the little girl who wold chase the boy on the playground in grade one, tackle him to the ground, and try to kiss him. This didn't work so well when he thought I had cooties. I have also always been the girl who will fall for one person at a time... Well, for the most part. When you are 12, 13, 14 it is hard to control "feelings" for just one boy. I am, however, a true monogamous. It takes a lot for me to get attached/fall for someone, but when I do, there is no one else. I have never been the girl to "sleep around." I have not yet hit the double digits. I am not going to lie and say I was in love with every guy I have slept with, but there was definitely an attraction there, and I had always known them for a good chunk of time before I actually jumped in the sack with them. Sadly, I am also the girl who can become extremely emotionally attached, even when I either A: Don't want to be or B: Try not to. This has burned me in he past, but I don't regret anything I have done, or anyone I have ever "liked". I have gotten to know some really interesting individuals, and each has left a mark on my heart.

The action which created the scars may hurt, but the scars themselves are a reminder of all that I've done so really, in the end all I can do is look back and smile.